I [recently] found myself in a Brazilian jiu-jitsu class with a 250-pound, musclebound gentleman sitting on my chest trying to do rather unkind things to my neck and vulnerable joints. While this was certainly not the most opportune time to be thinking about how to parlay this situation into a blog article, it did occur to me that the crushing weight on my chest and the attendant loss of oxygen therefrom, is how many of my clients must feel in the day-to-day trenches of the modern-day digital world of human resources.

The situation also gave me pause to think about what life lessons I have learned from many years of training in different styles of martial arts (other than how to tape deformed fingers and that a bag of frozen peas works wonders on bruised ribs). Upon further reflection, I realized that I do in fact incorporate many of the philosophies that underlie martial arts into my employment-law practice. I share those pearls of wisdom below.

Bruce Lee

Any discussion of martial-arts philosophy simply has to start with a quote from Bruce Lee, who was in fact a philosophy major. While the Internet is replete with his sage musings, I think the most apt when it comes to human resources, is: “In the middle of chaos comes opportunity.” Now I have to confess that oftentimes it feels that the only thing that comes from being in the middle of chaos is more chaos and accompanying agita. But that really does not have to be so.

In this regard, there is no better time to practice responding to chaos than right now. The New York State Legislature has recently seen fit to pass a series of laws converting the employment laws into a bastion of frontier justice. Among other new laws, the severe and pervasive standard for a hostile work environment under the New York Human Rights Law has been eradicated in favor of the more liberal New York City Human Rights Law standard, the Faragher defense that had been available under the state law has been eliminated, and there is even a bill waiting for signatures that allows an employee to place a lien on an employer’s property upon the mere allegation of being underpaid.

This all begs the question: what possible opportunity could there be in the middle of this particular chaos? My initial knee-jerk reaction was that it presents the opportunity to pack our bags and move to the Carolinas. But let’s turn back to Mr. Lee for a second. If we take a deep breath, it becomes readily apparent that we have all survived legal pendulum swings, and alarms about the sky falling have invariably proved false. Take, for example, the abolition of the “severe and pervasive standard” in favor of New York City’s standard of something more than “petty slights” and “trivial inconveniences.” This actually does not mean strict liability. Courts have adjusted to this standard and made clear that the law is not a “civility code” and workplaces do not need to be sterile and devoid of humor.

The opportunity here is to shift focus away from attempting to walk legal tightropes, and focus more on collaboration, team building, and supervisory coaching. From my observations, and as cheesy as it sounds, we don’t see too many harassment complaints coming out of a collaborative workplace where everyone feels heard and respected. I have seen many employers successfully use coaches for supervisors whose gruff styles have previously led to complaints, and those employers now find a more productive and efficient environment. It also pays to make sure that all concerned understand that mere supervision is not harassment, and that expectations need not be delivered via an anvil.

At bottom, the way to deal with new chaos is to return to old fundamentals, but with a modern twist. Documenting files in the digital world is easy and expedient. Supervising the training can be pragmatic, yet entertaining, using multi-media. In other words, we can seize the opportunity to take control over all of this.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Brazilian Jiu-jitsu (BJJ) is the ultimate strategy game — a moving chess board if you will. But instead of your pawn being trapped, it’s your arms and legs. BJJ legend Saulo Ribeiro observed:

“Jiu-jitsu is the gentle art. It’s the art where a small man (or woman) is going to prove to you, no matter how strong you are, no matter how mad you get, that you’re going to have to accept defeat. That’s what Brazilian Jiu-jitsu is.”

I think every HR director should adopt this philosophy. Basically it translates to: when you walk into my office, no matter how hard you try to game the system, threaten me into giving you something you have not earned, or threaten me into excusing inexcusable behavior, you will not faze me and you will lose. The key here is to do this without looking angry or being angry. It’s all about a calm, confident effect. You’ve been there and done that. You’ve seen every trick, out-strategized every setup, and you are still standing.

Krav Maga

Krav Maga is the Israeli hand-to-hand combat system used by its military and known for its overwhelming and violent counter-attacks. It is not a sport — it is survival at its most primitive. Imi Lichtenfeld, the founder of Krav Maga, has been quoted as saying: “Krav Maga, so that one may walk in peace.”

Applicable here, HR executives need to be confident in their training, know how to avoid unnecessary and counterproductive confrontations, but know how to deploy all manner of overwhelming weaponry when subjected to unprovoked attacks (lawsuits). Take, for example, an employee who was fired for theft, fraud, or other serious misconduct. The employee nonetheless sues. All manner of reasonable efforts to make the employee withdraw the suit fail. Now what?

Know available counterstrikes. For example, counterclaim under the faithless servant doctrine, seek employer side fee shifting under 28 U.S.C. § 1927, and if misrepresentations are made by opposing counsel on state law claims, seek to treble the attorneys’ fees under Section 487 of the Judiciary Law.

Often times, an adversary will back off when threatened with these remedies. But if they don’t, Krav Maga.

Conclusion

You don’t need to wear a gi or be able to break boards to become a human-resources ninja (though I suppose it couldn’t hurt). But studying the philosophies of the combat arts actually could lead to never having to engage in litigation combat over workplace disputes. At a minimum, a confident and calm approach to solving human resources quagmires is not only the most effective, but also good for the psyche.     

Howard M. Miller is a member (partner) of Bond, Schoeneck & King PLLC, a Syracuse–based law firm. Miller works from the firm’s Garden City office and is part of its labor and employment law practice. Contact Miller at hmiller@bsk.com. This article is drawn from Bond’s New York Labor and Employment Law Report blog.

Betrayal in business can come in many forms. A supervisor who gives specific directions for a project, then lays the blame squarely on you when things go awry. An employee who fails to inform you of a high-end client’s unhappiness, leaving you blindsided and feeling the CEO’s wrath when the client cancels a contract.

In such scenarios, the person betrayed can feel angry, devastated and perhaps unsure whether to ever trust anyone again. 

In all relationships we trust others, believing that while they will look out for their own best interest, they will also respect ours. Unfortunately, that’s not always so.

In business, there’s no guarantee that even a good friend or family member deserves your confidence.

Regardless of how well you know someone, treat any business arrangement with due diligence. Motives can be hidden, even with the best of friends.

So, how can business leaders and their employees avoid betrayals that can harm them and their organizations? And how should they handle the fallout if they are betrayed? We offer a few suggestions.

Learn to trust wisely. Blind trust can make you an easy target because you ignore the potential for human nature’s darker side. But it’s also ill-advised to assume no one can be trusted ever. What you’re after is “wise trust,” which allows you to weigh each situation, assessing whether there is low or high probability of betrayal.

Listen to what your gut tells you. So-called “gut feelings” act as an early warning system. Ignore those feelings at your own peril. Take the story of a woman named Ingrid, a chief finance officer in the public sector who was involved in the recruiting of a comptroller who came highly recommended. Ingrid preferred to handle reference checks herself, but that was HR’s job so she backed off, even though something told her this job candidate’s credentials were too good to be true. She shouldn’t have ignored her instinct because, after he was hired, the comptroller was charged with white-collar crimes committed in another state. For Ingrid, this became a triple betrayal — by colleagues who tried to make her the scapegoat, by HR, who didn’t perform a thorough background check, and, of course, she was betrayed by the man she hired. 

 Don’t seek revenge immediately — if at all. Planning revenge continues to provide the betrayer with power over you rather than allowing you to take that power into your own hands. It’s more productive to distance yourself from the betrayal and shore up your emotions with rational thoughts. 

If you are betrayed, there is no need to beat up on yourself. It is critical to recognize that what you are feeling is completely normal. If you blow the event out of proportion, exaggerating its impact on all aspects of your life, you’ll only postpone your recovery.

The key to moving forward is self-compassion. Get yourself to a safe space, both physically and emotionally, and get some sleep.

Reactions to stress differ. So, don’t worry if your immediate reaction includes anger. Try to balance it and take the energy to hold onto your power. Surround yourself with friends. Have the courage to move forward and leave the past behind. Learn to pivot. We discovered that the formula for success is creating a new positive, self-confidence about work and informed risk taking.      

Elaine Eisenman, Ph.D. and Susan Stautberg are co-authors of “Betrayed: A Survivor’s Guide to Lying, Cheating, & Double Dealing.” Eisenman is the managing director of Saeje Advisors, LLC, an advisory firm for high-growth ventures. Stautberg is a governance advisor to the portfolio companies of Atlantic Street Capital, a private-equity firm. She is also president and CEO of PartnerCom Corporation and chair emeritus of the WomenCorporateDirectors (WCD) Education and Development Foundation. 

Are leaders born or are they developed? It’s a subject that’s long been debated.

And in the workplace, can an employee who holds no supervisory job title be an effective leader — before being entrusted with managing people? 

I say yes, and that it’s almost mandatory if someone hopes to be ready as a leader when promoted to a bigger role in an organization.

Leadership is a choice. It’s not a title, position, or rank. You don’t have to be a department head, manager, or CEO to be a leader.

Leadership is a group of characteristics, and you can acquire them even if you’re not the boss. You’ll never be a leader when you assume that primetime role unless you have developed the qualities of leadership as part of your preparation for the next big step.

Here are five ways to become a leader at a company without holding a leadership-type position.

Listen to others’ ideas. Leadership is about others, not about the self, and it starts with listening. Being a leader isn’t putting yourself above others, interrupting them, or acting like your ideas are more important than anyone else’s. True leadership brings out the best in others and your culture, and you do that by making them feel valued and giving them a voice.

Be accountable for mistakes. Own your errors. It sets an example of accountability that is good for the culture. Too many people, when told of a mistake, assign blame and make excuses. A leader corrects constructively and surveys for solutions. As a subordinate, staying positive and offering ways to fix your mistake, and showing the humility of asking for help, is a path toward being a leader people can trust.

Learn flexibility. This applies in so many ways. If you’re stuck on doing something one certain way, you’re headed toward being a micromanager who few would like and fewer would want to work under. Leadership is about tapping into your broad base of workplace talent, expanding knowledge, improving systems, and raising the ceiling.

Interact and network. Networking isn’t only about finding jobs, it’s about connecting with people in a way that enhances important relationships and the work environment. As you learn to interact with different types in the workplace, you’ll learn which relationships are most effective, how to help those people with their career, and show your ability to direct and lead. 

Develop a thick skin. To become a leader, it’s vital to rise above annoyances and petty slights from others and let them roll off your back. HR isn’t the principal’s office, and if you vent every time about someone doing something irritating, you’ll get the reputation of being a whiner. Don’t complain behind closed doors, gossip, or criticize people behind their backs. No one who does those things can be viewed as a leader.

People want to be led. But they don’t want to be bossed around. Great leaders can learn this as underlings on their way to a management position. Then when they get there, they’re ahead of the game — and everyone is in step with them.      

Grant Parr is a mental sports performance coach and the author of “The Next One Up Mindset: How To Prepare For The Unknown.” Parr owns and runs Gameface Performance, a consulting firm that enhances mental skills for athletes and coaches.